there is so much i can share
to show you that i care
but with all these eyes
on you
on me

i don't understand how you could
ever really see...

Merry Christmas everyone! I really wanted to post a christmas-y story, but I couldn't make one up in time.... so have this polish folkdance one instead. [some info might be false as I had only 10 minutes of research before winging it.]
-----------------------------------------
Mazurka

 It's a unusually hot day for a May in Warsaw but she doesn't mind. She scouts out a nice spot in a public park and we settle down. The music is set up, the stage I made out of scrap materials is placed nicely where anyone can see. The cameras are set and I click play. Rushing to my spot behind the black camera, I wink at her- our signal to start.

She winks back in that seductive way of hers and she smiles at the small crowd just beginning to form. She calls out a friendly greeting to the boys and girls pushing to the very front and they giggle shyly. The show is about to begin.

She starts with an old folk dance- the Mazurka. It's a couple's dance. But I'm not the one dancing next to her. She takes a young boy from the bustling crowd.

The lively tempo whisks her away to a place where no one can reach her but the music. Her skirts swish and flutter and I am captivated. Every movement she does holds me in a enchantment I cannot break free from. My eyes never tear away from her, Not even for a second. Her hands are so graceful in the air and her feet step like lightning against the green grass.
We go through a couple pieces by Chopin as others cheer and some even join in a little. Those who know how to follow along that is. I laugh and for a moment I think I caught her eye.... Or perhaps it's just my wishful thinking.

Our last song is by Debussy and she twirls and twirls. Jumps and leaps. It ends with a slow bow and applause from our crowd. Her excited, bright eyes thank the crowd and I clap from where I am... wondering if she can see me, or if I'm just a simple spectator to her dance.
The crowd separates and we clean up. She talks and she shines with a glow that makes me want to glow with her.
"You have to be my partner next time! Dance with me, please?"
My heart trills and does a dance of it's own.... but how could I ever shine as brightly as she does? To be the person that supports her from the crowd is good enough for me. And when the performance ends, I'll be by her side. Even Forever if I had to.
"Sure."

With her in that flowing red skirt, we'll dance the night away in the great Phoenix City.

My fingers were slipping down your spine
As if they were doing the warm-up for a piano play
Your heart beat strong, you said you were all mine
And deep inside I felt that you would stay
With me this night,
Until the sun will rise again
You did forgot your pride
You said we were no longer friends
I’ve got the confidence
To take you to the stars
With zero tolerance
You’ve been caressing all my scars

brave little battered and bile drips the acid off her lips wipe on sleeve and then kiss

I can't sing
In the right key
I can't play
Guitar by ear

I'm a disaster
Wearing a smile
Trying not to cry

Each time I fall
Each time I fail
Because everything gets harder
Everyday

...

I can't sing
In the right key
I can't play
Guitar by ear
I'm a disaster

At least
That's what they
Make me believe

I search for you in chat rooms
I search for you in books
I search within my dreams and then
within the nooks and crooks.

And every time I find you
The reason fades away
I get sick and tired and restless
One quick fumble in the hay

And then I’m gone, I’ve come
We’ve screwed we’re through
But the longing it remains
I search for love not you

Each time I swear upon
My crumbling soul this time it’s pure
Its simple they’re the one
I’m totally, definitely sure

Each time another pound of flesh
So familiar, so foreign, so real
For me to lick and love and fuck
Ourselves over that’s the deal

a song I scribbled down this morning.
( Check it out )

Climb aboard, sweet Courtney,
We’re just about to set sail.
The anchor’s raised, the engine roars
Eager to take you to foreign shores.

I hope the voyage is long, but pleasant
A little unlike the time we shared.
Soon you’ll be gone, and I’ll be without,
Pregnant with disillusion and hopped up on doubt.

Courtney, you sly little fiend.
You hoodwinked me and butchered my ego.
Sophia told me this too shall pass.
And I’ll soon let go of the things I’ve amassed.

You won’t even need a lifeboat for this trip.
This baby’s on autopilot, slicing the ocean.
Don’t carry a map, don’t stress, don’t fear,
Travel every inch of this world, but never return here.

Courtney you held my hand and put on some blinkers.
And conned me into voting for you.
A secret smile starts to take over my face,
Knowing you’ll never come back to this place.

You taught me what it was to love
What was the real passion when the sunset came
You showed how it felt when a tender kiss was not enough
Your hands and lips were playing the exciting game
And it was funny to repent
Of all the crazy things that we had done
To feel how our happiness was coming to an end
To realize that I have missed the only one.

I've realized there are gaps
Between you and I

My feet are cold
I want you to wrap them with your feet
To show how
Our bodies perfectly merge
When we lie beside each other
At night

I've found the gaps
Your feet don't touch mine

little tea cup
paw prints and my
wrists are just to small to make
the band fit
what's the matter if it fits or doesn't fit
what is the difference

little girl wears big shoes dances on
her tip tip tippest tip toes
twirls around the coffee table
claps her hands and has some
cake and
combs her hair
and watches mommy do the dishes
turns up volume on the tv
falls asleep in daddy's arm chair
goodnight morning sweet pea sundays

I enter a home unlike any home. It is full of hate and combs and stars. There is a doe on the table. Her chest ripped open and stuffed with letters that were never mailed. I don't know what to think upon seeing this. I look away and cry. I choke on my vomit and crawl on the floor. Insanity has stricken my blind eyes. My third eye is unopened- sealed. No god can save me from this feeling. From this silent shock. I drown in my own shit. This is how I go.

Selling a variety of manga that I do not wish to keep any more. All manga are in brand-new condition, no tears, scratches, etc... Each manga is $5.00 each! I do not like to break up sets if I don't have to, but I will if I have to. Shipping is $1.50 extra per first book. Second, third... etc. is an extra .50 cents. This shipping price is for US only. Please respond with your zip code if you are international! I accept Paypal only.

Manga:

Black Sun, Silver Moon volume 1
Blood+ volume 1
Code Geass volume 1
Dazzle volume 1
Gravitation volumes 2-12
Godchild volume 1
Hayate the Combat Butler volume 1
Man's Best Friend
Naruto volume 1
Pita-Ten volumes 1-8
Skyscrappers of Oz
Wolf's Rain volumes 1-2
Until the Full Moon volumes 1-2
Zombie-Loan volume 1

Non-manga items:
Naruto cosplay sandles black (small males) - $8.00 + $2.50 in shipping
Naruto cosplay sandles blue (small males) - $8.00 + $2.50 in shipping
Tenchi Muyo soundtrack - $5.00 + $1.50 in shipping
Vampire Knight cosplay tie pin (brand new) - $12.00 + 1.50 in shipping

Xposted.

last night was amazing
she thinks i stabbed her in the back
im not losing you again
she hates me no doubt

the girl code did not occur
she says i love you
i loved you first
she says good bye forever

so much drama for this day
she wants me to burn in hell
i still love you and it shall not fade
she says good bye and oh well

i wanted to cry 
she was
i told some lies
she doesnt love me, who does?

my best friends say they do
i think you do
mom does
dad, unfortunately, does

this has been the best day
even if i lost her along the way
i dont know what's gonna happen next
but i hope its with you and no one else 

2 puffs light headed
half gone i cant stand
all gone im gonna puke
i callapsed

you help me walk home
i hold on to my stomach
my mind keeps wondering
i hate this

we get to my house
i eat to calm my stomach
you feel bad
i feel sick

nicotene high i cant stand
real high i'd never be able to handle
getting addicted is not an option
i decide never again

Rusty survival
breathes heavily
and throws up its hands
in capitulation
while needs give way
to endless wants
(reason seems
to be almost extinct,
bleeding in the streets
and on the freeways
burning with effervescence
over its suffering)

I try to think back
to when we were young
and knew that the world
was ours
and the night was a sanctuary
that could not be desecrated
by anything we said
or did
but it seems so meaningless now,
with the light of years illuminating
it seems anything but sacrosanct

So dig
beneath your thoughts,
beneath your heart,
and find some new diamond
to glitter
in imitation of your Sun
(another distraction
for your lonely eyes)

In this frozen river
of melancholy
I mend another broken bone
and send another loose thought home
I bend myself
only to break

It feels like I've been asleep
for too many months
of this year
letting my eyes be pulled shut
by heavy thoughts
and tired inadequacies
(I'm perpetually reluctant,
constantly swept away
by the force
of my own desire)

isolation dissolves
every word I spoke,
still I hunger for something more
than what I have found
but all I seem to see
in the innumerable faces
is echoes and shame,
hidden as best they can

Yet,
I cannot believe this
I find in you
something substantial
and concrete
something that doesn't end
(you gracefully bend towards
then away
from me
like a tree
in the fickle wind)
you are beautifully imperfect
and I don't know what to do
with you

there is reason
to stand tall
and reason
to fall to the earth
in tomorrow
we'll carry on
to a way out
and bury what we're worth
(bury it
beneath the weight
of our own inadequacies)

You don't know me!
Hey!
You don't know me!
Who do you think you are?
Are you me?
Do you think you know me?
You think you know me?
You know me?
You don't know me!

I am he as you are he?
As you are me?
You are me?
You think you are me?
You?  Me?
You think you know me?
You don't know me!

Hey!  You!
I am me.  I am me!
You are not.

i_sew
animenmangafanI'm a little srapped for cash this month, so I thought I would open up some Pokemon Hoodie commissions. I've had some inquires about these before through my friends, so I thought I would share it with the community. Each one starts off at $45.00 each, which includes material, labor and free shipping costs (within the US only). I can ship international, but please allow shipping costs to be added in the final price. This is just the starting price though. For more complicated Pokemon, the price will go up depending on the complexity of the hoodie.

All hoodies are made of 100% fleece. The pattern is made by me (usually a one-size-fits-all ranging from small - large). I can make them as big as you would like. Each hoodie takes between 5 - 8 hours to sew on average. These hoodies are sewn only by my self. I am not restricting these hoodies to Pokemon only. If your heart desires it, I can see what I can do!

I only accept Paypal. Please respond below if you are interested in commissioning one. Please give me the mascot, animal, Pokemon, etc..., basic size (small, medium, large, etc.) Once the money is cleared through Paypal, I can start immediately on the hoodie.



Edit: Picture should appear at the bottom of description. If not, please click here to view an example - http://www.photolava.com/view/4pq2.html